Be Thankful For Extremism

Brainwashed mongrel savages on the far left and far right come in all shapes (and sizes); we discerning, objective souls should be more appreciative for the narcissism of their groupthink.

Pity the family hoping to buy a tiki torch in central Virginia for a festive, backyard barbecue circa August 2017. They were all sold out.

It’s been almost eight years since some prideful young men in Fred Perry knit shirts took a romantic evening stroll together chanting “Jews will not replace us!” as the scent of citronella wafted amongst them. Seems like yesterday.

Oddly, not a single Jew has replaced any of them. Not yet.

The President of the United States told us afterwards that there were “very fine people on both sides.”

I’m still undecided.

Society is fortunate that most of those fighting The War on Women on the side of women are to be imagined—with eyes closed and teeth gritted—exactly as they are in real life. And that those protesting so vehemently to keep abortion legal are themselves the least likely of all to ever require an abortion.

But they keep marching and screaming about their bodies and their choices (except for the convenient political pause in 2020-21 when they demanded that everyone get vaccinated) without ever accepting the notion of personal responsibility for their own, earlier choices.

We are not speaking here of women who have been impregnated because of a violent sexual assault, incest, or have a life-threatening medical situation for mother and/or child during pregnancy, or anything closely related to such horrifying circumstances.

The pairing of irresponsible men with irresponsible women (the blame for unwanted pregnancies in first world countries is shared equally) has created this mess.

Do I like abortion? No. Do I think abortion should be legal? Yes, because people are stupid despite the first world resources available to avoid being sexually irresponsible in the first place. And, most importantly, rape victims and those facing grievous health dangers should not be excluded from the procedure.

Women in the USA (and the men marching with them pretending to be allied with the cause, but who are really just trying to get laid) should not be glamorizing the indiscriminate loss of a potential Picasso, Beethoven, Nina Simone, Robert Frost, or Marie Curie because they and their partners have made a collective choice to skirt responsibility.

But if you think my solution to reduce the number of abortions each year is more education, or more pamphlets, or more protests against abortion by right-wing nut jobs, then you’re sadly mistaken.

I know women who have had abortions for all of the reasons listed above. I respect them and have empathy for them, but cheerleading for or against abortion by others not in their shoes is one of the more inhumane and repugnant aspects of modern society.

That’s what I like about the Aryan Nation people. Unlike those hags from the tyranny of the matriarchy and their accompanying, feet-kissing simps who keep confusing the general public (morons like me) with mixed messaging, these white Christian nationalists maintain divine simplicities.

One salute. One flag. Three wives. Stupid kids.

The men tuck t-shirts into their jeans, too, which I obviously adore. The women are a little more randy and open to group-activity groping with their untucked, rather un-Christian fashion style choices.

And these simple folks don’t have time to engage in fancy marches in major metropolitan areas carrying torches or pink signs! Nope. They’re too busy attending church services and nodding to each other in unison while every biblical parable is explained as an attempt by the coloreds or the Muslims or the Jews or the gays to destroy what God has ordained as rightfully theirs.

Which, in most cases, is some shitty small town in Idaho where they can practice an accepting brand of religious freedom and memorize the sexy parts from “The Protocols of the Elders of Zion” far away, most thankfully, from the rest of us.

But, we still know they exist and that’s part of the problem. Are you going to keep taking it?

I’ve always been a fan of relatively hot female activists in college who lock onto a particular cause to convince themselves they are making a true difference in the world. Maybe they stick with it, maybe they don’t. Who cares as long as they are documenting being a do-gooder on social media?

The greatest joy for me is in observing the passion of group activity disguised as achievement.

Frenzied chants and triumphant fist-raising coexist with stylish, $165 Lululemon hoodies manufactured in the countries that refuse to exploit laborers like China, Vietnam, Cambodia, Sri Lanka, Indonesia, and Bangladesh. Better to take on the cause against Big Oil and Big Pharma instead of worrying about some emaciated child stitching my yoga pants.

The levels of hypocrisy are high, yes, but I liken my tolerance to that of a standard for cavorting with women in Los Angeles mastered 25 years ago by an old friend there. I still call it The Vargo Scale: how long a man will listen to a woman talk is directly proportional to her attractiveness.

Please don’t confuse my honesty with misogyny. I just like my protesters to be gorgeous and vivacious, but also with defects. Maybe there’s a slight eating disorder involved, or she hates her father in Eastern Europe, or she really wants to be a model-slash-actress someday and just needs to do a few lines of coke to drop some weight.

I’d be a lot more gracious with the pro-abortion crowd if the members were beautiful, sweet angels like those trying to save our planet.

Sadly, there aren’t really attractive pro-Nazi protesters nowadays, either.

Speaking of saving the planet, girls, here’s a cobalt mine in Africa!

Who’s happier: the kids digging in this mine or the ones sewing Lululemon tanks? Bit of a toss-up.

Enjoy your electric vehicles while Earth continues to create unlimited deposits of crude oil, forever.

(Note: surveyors and geologists from the U.S. Navy discovered what has been described as “another Saudi Arabia” off the coast of Southern California in the 1950s, but the Coastal Commission has only allowed limited drilling via graft and corruption near San Diego and Santa Barbara.)

We should keep yelling about this.

Are you familiar with The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance?

I was not. I thought, surely, the website was a parody account.

Wrong again.

Here’s the organization’s description:

At least one-third of the world’s population is fat, yet fat people are discriminated against in all aspects of daily life. For over 50 years, NAAFA has worked to make the world a better place for fat people through education, advocacy, and support. We are a multigenerational, intersectional social justice organization creating opportunity for big bodied people and building community for fat people and our loved ones. Our work towards #EqualityAtEverySize is changing the world!

I do not believe that 1/3 of the world is fat. I do believe that more than 1/3 of the USA, however, is fat and generally disgusting.

The narcissism of extremists, political or not, to demand societal acceptance and acquiescence is enough to both drive a person insane and to lose any previously-held semblance of compassion for whatever platform was being addressed in the first place.

Can’t you just be fat without promoting it?

It’s not a small world after all…

You can screw up your Instagram algorithm by checking out the Plus Size Park Hoppers account. Thank me later? Shoot me later? Hard to tell how you’ll react.

For the record, I have just as many fat friends as I do black friends.

Which brings us to Boston in 1976. “The Soiling of Old Glory” was taken by Stanley Forman and earned The Pulitzer Prize for Spot News Photography.

The USA has made so much progress since these riots during our Bicentennial celebrations! And next year will mark 250 years of harmony for our tired, our poor, our huddled masses yearning to breathe free.

If there is any hope at all, it is that a chance exists still for rational consensuses to be reached by the majority of Americans, fat or not, without blind adherence to groundless dogmatism at the polar extremes.

We can despise anti-Semitism yet also allow freedom of speech.
We can despise abortion and demand that it remain accessible and legal.
We can despise religious bigotry while still permitting autonomy of worship.
We can fight the good fights and learn from those fighting the bad ones.

Let me rephrase the above:

If there is any hope at all, it is that a choice exists still…

Both things can be true. We just have to reach the point of being mad as hell first.